Physics, football and the Bundesliga

Some physics

So as part of my COVID-19 reading, I got around to having another go at Carlo Rovelli’s deceptively simple looking and brief book called ‘Seven Brief Lessons on Physics’. Written in elegant prose and conveying complex ideas about physics and the universe, I still don’t understand half of it. However, I can now casually drop into conversation direct quotes from Rovelli that, if chosen at the right time, can prove to be killer lines with jaw dropping levels of profundity, e.g. ‘The difference between past and future only exists when there is heat’ or ‘What is the present? In physics there is nothing that corresponds to the notion of the now’.

Rovelli's mind bending book - don't be deceived by the elegant and accessible writing style and the manageable looking 94 pages

And any guilt or shame I have at my lack of understanding many of the concepts in Rovelli’s book is easily assuaged by that old (mind boggling) maxim: ‘If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don’t understand quantum mechanics’. Ultimately, my understanding of physics is limited to witty one liners from Sheldon and his friends on ‘The Big Bang Theory’, one of our primary family COVID-19 television viewing interests.

The Big Bang Theory - funny physics that I can (mostly) understand

Physics, football and a fling with the Bundesliga

Another mind bending notion covered by Rovelli is that of multiple alternative existences or universes, i.e. the multiverse. And, strangely enough, this got me thinking of football. Because while we have all been pining for a return of Premier League football since that abrupt cessation in early March (with Liverpool on the cusp of glory), domestic seasons have been ploughing on in some parallel footballing universes, such as Belarus and Nicaragua. Likewise, football has recently restarted in South Korea and the Faroe Islands. Most significantly of all, however, is the return today of the mighty German Bundesliga, albeit with no fans attending and played 'behind closed doors'. 

A vaguely 'multiversal' image

So while Project Restart continues, teasing us with hints at potential dates for a return of the Premier League (June 12^th being the current promise), why not jump across the sporting multiverse, have a look at the Bundesliga, pick a team and have a brief fling with them for the next few weeks until your own team gets back in action?

The BBC website has already devised a system for choosing a Bundesliga replacement for your Premier League team, based on various parallels and comparisons; https://www.bbc.com/sport/football/52632680

But how will you pick your team? The BBC approach is rather obvious and boring, and I’m not just saying that because they beat me to the idea. Instead, I suggest that you can use any number of either logical or completely arbitrary guides to your choice. For example, if you’re a supporter of Norwich City, why not just give yourself a break from relegation depression and go with Bayern Munich, who currently hold a 4 point lead and look likely to grab an eighth consecutive Bundesliga.

Alternatively, if you support a top team such as Liverpool (on the verge of being crowned Premier League champions, just to clarify), you could immerse yourself in a parallel universe where you’re in a relegation battle, in which case you’re looking at e.g. Paderborn or Werder Bremen.

You could also choose a club that (unless you're a German speaker) sounds funny when you try and pronounce it, e.g. Borussia Mochengladbach.

And why not just chose a team based on their kit design or the colours of their crest? Maybe you can find one that closely matches your GAA club or county.

Bundesliga colours - pick your kit

Or find a crest that appeals to you...

And then you can be guided by geography. Just mentally transpose a map of your country onto the Bundesliga club map below and support the club that’s nearest to your home.

The geography of Bundesliga clubs

For my choice of Bundesliga club, I am applying a tincture of logic. Now that Jurgen Klopp is starting to cement his position as (so far) Liverpool’s second greatest manager, I am going with the club he managed last, Borussia Dortmund. Dortmund are the last club to win the Bundesliga since Bayern’s complete takeover of the competition in recent years, and they currently lie in second place and just four points off those brilliant Bavarians. And, excitingly, I see that it’s less than four hours until ‘our’ home game this afternoon against FC Schalke 04 (whoever they are).

So have a look at the table below, apply some completely arbitrary criteria and chose your own Bundelsiga club. 

The only downside to my supporting Dortmund is that their colours are worryingly close to the black and amber of the Kilkenny hurling team.

Ah well, you can’t have it all, and I guess things can get a bit mixed up when you transition across the sporting multiverse.